How clean is your house?

Another success for my new alarm clock – I was up with the lark and it was still dark outside. Not only was it dark but it was brass monkeys out there too, but indoors all was cosy. I thought it was high time I embarked on some serious housework so I spent the entire morning sweeping, mopping, dusting and hoovering until the place shone like a new pin. I’m sure Pink Floyd had a lot to do with my sudden rush of energetic cleansing (Shine On You Crazy Diamonds et al), but whatever it was I am now ready to receive visitors. I even cleared away the latest batch of fallen leaves on the terrace. How is that for thorough?

I was vacuuming under the coffee table when I saw what looked like a large ball of black thread. I went to pick it up and saw it was a curled up spider. Having no fear of creatures of the arachnoidal persuasion, I picked it up in my hand to release it on the terrace. I was horrified when it unravelled itself to become the size of a rich tea biscuit (don’t know why I chose that as a comparison – oh well, it works) with fat hairy legs and a bulbous body, and a proper spiderlike face with massive mouthparts which it proceeded to clamp into my palm. I dropped it in fright (giving a little manly shriek) and ran to grab a tumbler to trap it in the time honoured fashion. Inspecting it through its glass prison, I could see these horrible pincer-like mouthparts (are they called mandibles or something?) opening and closing at me in anger. It was like something you see in the aquarium at a zoo. Needless to say I threw it as far over the rooftops as I could (not that far – have you ever seen me throw?). Downstairs in the hallway, the whole ceiling was blanketed with cobwebs and it gave me a certain pleasure as they disappeared up the nozzle of the hoover with a satisfying ‘ferlomp’ sound.

My gas bottle was completely empty so Michael kindly picked me up with my metal canister to fetch a new one. In L’Eclerc I stocked up on goodies to keep my guests fed and watered during their stay.

It was overcast and dull today, and the temperature stayed in the chilly zone so no strolls along the riverbank for me. Just an afternoon of merry tapping away on my laptop, a G&T or two in the kitchen of L’Enfance de Lard, and an evening in the comedy company of René and Edith.