Be sure that your umbrella is upside down

Off we go again to the farm, me and Sammie. I want you to try and form a mental image of me and Sammie the Wonderdog jumping over fences, chasing across fields of cows and sheep (and the occasional grumpy-faced llama) and skipping through grassy meadows. With a copy of The Observer tucked under my arm (hurray for great British newspapers readily available on the day of publication for a reasonable price) I returned home to a hearty breakfast.

At the appointed hour, Wino Jo arrived in her blue sports car like a cross between Penelope Pitstop and Isadora Duncan. We gossiped over coffee before sallying forth to Bow, and a fine pub called the Morgan’s Arms where we met a myriad of dear old friends for a superb Sunday roast and pints and pints of the landlord’s finest lagers. There was much discussion of Desperate Housewiveswhich is now being broadcast on C4 I learned. Having not seen it, I stared into the middle distance sucking thoughtfully on a pipe.

Having a dog is an excellent way of curbing one’s excesses, as I had to be home by six to walk her. Had this not been the case, I think lunch would have morphed into evening, and that phrase which you've dreaded hearing since the nagging voice in your head started telling you to go home: ‘Last orders at the bar pulleaase!’ Dog walked, it was an evening for flicking over to BBC4 (I didn’t know we had it) where I found a Dennis Potter special – with a showing of Pennies From Heaven and a selection of interviews with the great man (a bit of a hero of mine) so it all turned out well in the end.