Number two all over heaven

Over the last few days I have come to the conclusion that the powers that be in Bergerac have been out to the shops and bought a brand new toy for the street cleaners. I don’t know how they go about their procurement processes, but I would like to ask if anybody ever considered the noisiness of the machine, which I would have thought is fairly important given that it drives slowly through the narrow streets at about 5am each morning. Clearly it wasn’t amongst the selection criteria, for I am now woken with a start in the early hours of each morning with what sounds like a jet-propelled rocket thundering along the Rue L’Ancien Pont. After this rude awakening, and just as I begin to drift back to sleep, it comes around for a second bash, leaving me cussing into my pillow.

So, up early? Yeah, right. Then there’s another gripping chapter of The Sea The Sea to absorb. I wandered around to the launderette with my bags full of washing, and I had a little chat with the laundress. Well, she had a little chat, and I said ‘Ah, oui!’ and ‘Ooh la la!’ at what I thought were the appropriate moments. When she finally stopped talking, I bid her good day and took my leave. I walked into town in the sunshine to post a couple of letters – and was pleasantly surprised to find that you can in fact post things at the post office. It’s amazing, they’ve come on in leaps and bounds since yesterday’s stamp shortage.

Back indoors, I took Mr Rusty up to the terrace with a fireman’s lift, and gave him a blinking good soaping down. I did a spot of weeding, then armed with the vacuum cleaner I sucked up a bit of dust, before settling down with Iris in my hands.

Today I was entertaining, as opposed to yesterday when I was just mildly amusing. MM&A arrived for aperitifs, and Moiselle dropped a guided missile behind the sofa, filling the lounge with a vomit-inducing stench, just before K&I arrived. As they say, timing is everything, especially where number twos are concerned.

On the menu tonight we had, soup (leek, turnip, carrot, potato and duck), pork chops with prunes, and crème brulée tarts washed down with some cheeky Bergerac reds. Not bad, all things considered.