Words are flowing out like endless rain into my paper cup

My quiet little street seems to have morphed into a bloody building site. There are now three buildings covered in scaffolding, with work beginning at 8am. How I long for the peace and quiet of the Isle of Dogs! Smashing tiles, clanking pieces of scaffolding, drills, hammers and chisels – it’s enough to make you get up early. Have the Time Team moved in for heavens sakes?

I walked around the market with a spring in my step and an autumn in my stair. More craggy faces. The ugly foie gras woman gave me an extra hard stare which would have turned a lesser man to stone (I only look at her reflection in my magic shield, a trick I picked up off Jason – no not Donovan, duh!) as I hurried on my way in search of the golden fleas.

Back indoors with coffee on a drip, I set about the task of editing my mantelpiece. I mean masterpiece. I mean Makepeace. Listened to Sorry, I Haven’t A Clue on the internet. Funniest line: How do you make your garden look bigger? Magnifying grass! Had me reaching for my inhaler, and I’m not asthmatic. I’m not even pragmatic, or automatic, or dogmatic. Just diplomatic, idiosyncratic and fairly erratic.

Off to Leclerc in the superclean Smart, to fill the larder with delightful goodies. For yes, tomorrow sees the much awaited arrival of my mum and dad, who will be staying with me until next week. What an honour. Also stocked up on alcohol (who stole all the stuff I bought in for Mister M?) as I think I may need it.

More editing. Editing is ace. It’s so much better than writing. I feel like a teacher with a red biro crossing things out. Except I’m not using a red biro, as that would cause havoc with my laptop screen. Mmmm...better not cross (sounds like butternut squash) too much out.

A swift G&T round at L’Enfance then back home to smoke my opium pipe. Oh no – I’ve given up! Hot darn! Sucked on a cheese straw instead, but it made me cough.

What? This little green pill here doctor?